Showing posts with label politics. Show all posts
Showing posts with label politics. Show all posts

Sunday, November 16, 2008

wiping the posting slate clean

personal blogging has slowed for reasons you would imagine - time is precious & blogging simply doesn't rank. even though i'm not blogging regularly i often think of all the interesting & fun topics that i would like to write about. as a result i found myself creating a list of topics (beginning feb '08 - oct. '08) that i hoped i would one day return to write about. the list of topics has grown to almost 100 & knowing that it will continue to grow further & cause me even more frustration i decided to share my "to blog about" list with you in a single blog post. the majority of these thoughts are just one liners on the topic & a quick reference to where the thought originated from, while a few are almost finished posts.

anyhow, i'm happy to wipe my posting plate clean (minus the two pending about our london/dubai/chicago trip we just returned home from) & i hope you find a little humor & interesting points within my list.

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pick your battles (reference to something mitchell pointed out to me related to trash in the office)

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show attire – jeans & sport coat versus the traditional business suit (reference to what folks wear at tech conferences (mobilize08 for example) & why i prefer this style of dress)

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IVRs versus scripted customer service agents (reference to how an IVR can actually provide a better customer experience than CS agents who just read through a scripted list & have no personality)

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food photo log – – dinner (reference to my way of sharing foodie experiences)

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title: cereal has become a food group

i had a fun conversation with some friends this past friday while eating lunch at the clay pit. the conversation was about cereal & how 3 out of the 4 of us at the table saw cereal as a staple in our diet.

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apartment raised dogs (reference to the behaviors of dogs that live in apartments & how it's correlated to the demographic of folks living in apartments)

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3rd story apartment move-ins (reference to the inconveniences of apartment stairs)

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lucky to be raking leaves (reference to brent describing what it means to him to be thankful)

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title: 7 years later

these past 7 years with you have taught me…

year 1 – what i thought was fun really wasn’t healthy for the long term

year 2 – learning to share

year 3 – respect

year 4 – not to take each other for granted & to communicate

year 5 – how

year 6 – the importance of traveling the world together

year 7 – together we can control our destiny & that you are my biggest fan & supporter

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stumbling on happiness (reference to how happiness can appear when you least expect it)

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title: first time in salt lake city

all & all i wasn't to impressed with salt lake city, utah. the focus of the trip of course wasn't to "enjoy" the city, rather to learn as much as i could about the outdoor retail business. as far as that effort is concerned the trip was a huge success.

for the past couple of years roland has attended the outdoor retailer show & i had remarked that it sounded like a good time. roland knowing that i would enjoy the vibe of such a show, all the free health bar swag (probably too much), & the opportunity to feed the entrepreneur spirit within me invited me along this year.

the show was great & really opened my eyes to the business of being a retailer. regardless of industry, retailers are offered goods at a minimum of 35% less than the product will retail for. it seems the smaller the product, the higher the profit margin. along those same terms, the more you buy the greater the discount. the next time i purchase cliff bars for example i will try & block out the fact that the place I am buying them from most likely paid $0.35 to $0.45 cents for them.

of course the retailer needs to make profit b/c he/she has to pay to keep the lights on, pay salaries, pay for insurance, pay rent, etc. i know running a retail shop isn't a sure fire plan to make it rich & like anything else there are risks involved. if it was so easy to prosper in this business we would all be doing it.

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if at first you don’t succeed (reference to a story that aired on CBS sunday morning 2008/08/03)

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how low does ford's stock have to go before they'll see the light (reference to an article in the WSJ titled, "finally, ford sees the light"

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title: are imported cars just better?

i don't watch a lot of nascar (anymore). as of today, july 24th 2008 the nascar leader board according to car manufacturer is as follows:

points wins

toyota 124 8

chevrolet 105 4

ford 99 3

dodge 90 4

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never know who you are going to touch (reference to the leukemia & lymphoma society & someone i met at the gym who had survived leukemia)

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but i tried didn’t i, GD. at least i did that. (reference to a quote i read somewhere about trying)

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title: surprise food find in ORD

just as i begin to think there is no hope for finding anything descent to eat in airports i find myself enjoying a wonderfully prepared meal in chicago’s ohare airport.

i can’t even complain about the price. i think $16 bucks (plus tax & tip) for a nice piece of salmon, 5 nice sized pieces of broccoli, & 5 asparaguses that are cooked very well is reasonable. maybe, i’m just becoming immune to the prices of food when travelling… last week i was charged $19 bucks at the hotel breakfast buffet for which i had a bowl of cereal, fruit, & coffee. just two days ago i paid $14 dollars for a turkey bagel sandwich with no cheese!

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starbucks says sorry in the right way (reference to starbucks apologizing for loosing gift card balances for a day & then sending every card holder a free bag of espresso beans)

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title: hotel gyms

hotel gyms are not the best place to workout, but they at least provide you a free way of getting free water & fruit (apples) while on the road.

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i didn’t know that tucson stood for “the lack of possessing color & life” (reference to the lack of color i saw while in tuscon in april of this year)

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free espresso & apple & bread just by being friendly (reference to a free treat a barista at starbucks gave me just for being friendly)

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starbucking (reference to a movie about a dude who attempted to visit every SB in the world)

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dear starbucks, (reference to a letter i began to write (obviously didn't get to far) to starbucks about them not offering plain soy milk & their new & crappy ice drink tops that crush the straws)

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a casa de luz in san francisco (reference to ananda fuara)

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what you can do with the iPhone (reference to all the things i was able to accomplish with my iPhone in an hour)

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siphon coffee at the blue bottle (reference to my love for the siphon coffee made at the blue bottle coffee company in san francisco)

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only three timewarner women technicians (reference to a conversation i had with a super friendly CS agent at TWC)

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schlotzsky’s 5K run w/ the family (reference to my race experience with my family to include my mom who just ran her first 5K the week prior)

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coffee shop review (reference to me beginning to write a coffee shop review only blog)

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title: mom, the runner!

yesterday, april 5th 2008 my mom (sandra) kicked some butt! she ran the seaton soles 5K & took 2nd place in her age group. after my folks came down to watch kristin & i run the 3M 1/2 marathon in january of this year my mom decided she wanted to start running.

after returning home (garland) from austin, she immediately bought a real pair of running shoes & signed up with run on, a local running group in plano. she began meeting with the group 3 times a week & was loving every minute of it. my mom has always maintained a very strict diet (she's the reason why i don't eat sweets) & maintained a love for...

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kristin’s bday (reference to the good times i enjoyed with kristin on her 28th bday)

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title: value of your purchases

casa breakfast vs. a traditional café latte or a $2 smoothie or a $1 coffee at lift.

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starbucks as a business (reference to how evaluating starbucks provides a plethora of business material)

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30% more time to first-borns (reference to an article that suggested that parents give 30% more time to first-borns than there other children)

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title: the B’s of interviewing

a fellow t3er posted a question to the t3 message board the other day on a topic unrelated to triathlon training. he has a friend who is going to interview for a personal trainer position at pure austin (a locally owned gym here in austin – kristin & i workout at pure) & she was asking about what the appropriate dress attire for such a position warranted.

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male synchronized swimmer in the olympics (reference to a story about a male synchronized swimmer who is on a women's only team)

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spin on obama following race speech courtesy of FOX news (reference to just how bad FOX news can be)

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title: just living in a city isn’t enough

moving back into austin proper was the best move for kristin & i yet. each day of the week is treated differently all due to our new location. while owning a big brand new home in round rock had its perks from time-to-time it did not satisfy our active, healthy, & adventurous life styles.

kristin now works downtown for starters & can drive to work & home in less than 10 minutes each way. we can both make it to the lake in less than 10 minutes. we’ve discovered new restaurants all around us. we are getting to know the neighbors. we were able to get a dog because it’s now possible to swing home during the day to let him out. we can bike run from our house, running in this area is great too. we can walk to coffee shops, restaurants, & bars. our grocery shopping is now pleasurable versus painful.

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nokia food (reference to the food we had while visiting with nokia earlier this year in NY)

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nokia offices (reference to impressive nokia officies in NY)

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dd1 (reference to something that i don't even remember anymore)

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why is resting so hard? (reference to it being difficult for me to rest)

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title: ironman training time – i want my hour back!

today turned out to be a much longer than expected training day. i woke at 5:15AM & did not return home from training until 5:30PM...

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military rank pay vs. the corporate system (reference to the pros & cons of the corporate structure following the military structure for pay & rank)

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floating plastic island (reference to the debri/trash in the ocean that has accumulated to form a small island.

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postum (reference to the coffee substitute that is no longer sold in the states)

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malachi 3:10 (reference to this chapter/passage in the bible)

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title: addicted to being honest…

i was just faced w/ having to present a very bad review to one of my employees (who is also one of my best friends) & it turned out to be one of the most liberating experiences of my life. i was quite nervous & anxious about this review & it turned out to be my high of the day. how good it feels to be honest & open w/ people. my employee (i think of him as a friend first) responded so well & actually was very appreciative of the feedback. it was amazing how it helped not only our professional, but personal relationship too. i recently read an article in the new york post…

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austin makes you happy (reference to how austin really does rock)

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new gravel dropped at the trail (reference to the simple things that make me happy)

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6AM concert in austin? (reference to a concert that i noticed during an early morning run w/ ed)

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the netflix game (reference to the game kristin & play with watching & returning DVDs to netflix)

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delorean’s in humble texas (reference to a company in humble, TX that restores deloreans)

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on my way home from dallas wednesday i passed this restaurant in temple called BJ’s brewhouse (reference to the name of this place, i don't buy the answer they gave me for naming this place BJ's)

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don’t judge a person by looks alone (reference to a person i met on a plane)

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vita spelt wins! (reference to my own pasta taste/health off)

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title: the best pinot noir to date

last night kristin & i enjoyed the best pinot noir to date. it was a bottle of 2003...

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office fax machines (reference to being the only guy in the office that knows how to work it)

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title: athlete hangout

i had my first visit to performance wellness this past friday. my left cheek (not on my face) was giving me grief. the pain/stiffness had become...

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president maybe? (reference to the likelihood that obama will win the election)

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SOCO on a saturday night (reference night out with eduardo/jennifer & eryn/alex)

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own your city (reference to running early in the morning)

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working(out) from the gym (reference to how i brought my work with me to the gym)

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jesus on our tree (reference to kristin seeing jesus's face on the trunk of our tree in rosedale)

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single ply = BIG mistake (reference to the trouble i was in for brining home single ply TP)

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monarch – apartments, homes, apartments (reference to the loft market here in austin)

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carbotarian or vegetarian (reference to how i see most vegetarians as people who eat a lot of carbs, cheese, & sugar & not a lot of veggies)

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interesting new years resolution – don’t knock yourself (reference to something angela gave up in 2008)

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grub after a swim (reference to how hungry you are after a long & hard morning swim)

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title: healthy vegetarian indian curry dish

it’s quickly becoming a favorite for us. at least once every two weeks we have this super healthy vegetarian indian curry dish. it’s super spicy (just the way we like it!) & also very good for you (considering it’s curry & most curry dishes are super fatty).

we all know coconut milk can be heavy, yet it is super healthy for you too so what we do is buy the lite version so it isn’t as "bad" for you. we also use brown basamati rice which helps add to the nutritional value (& fiber). the tofu rocks because it just absorbs all those wonderful indian spices & because it is so high in protein i love the stuff. we usually make a large pot so we each have enough for one dinner & then one left over lunch for me.

ingredients that go into this dish:

- 2 whole packages of firm tofu

- 1 cup of brown basamati rice

- ½ a can of lite coconut milk

- 1 cup of fat free vanilla yogurt

- 1 – 2 chopped up mangos

- & as much indian spice as you like!

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roasted nuts (reference to a discussion i had with brent about nuts loosing their nutritional values during the roasting process)

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ironman nutrition - calories, calories, & more calories! (reference to the amount of food it takes to fill an ironman)

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title: recycling made simple

- use paper towels instead of plates

- re-use paper bags

- re-use plastic bags

- wash plastic forks

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the four P's (reference to covey describing items as pressing, proximate, pleasant, orĂĄ popular)

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volunteering (reference to the importance of giving back)

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title: car buying pattern for males

age:

16 – 18

18 – 22

23 – 24

25 – 29

30 – 34

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italian dinner at home (reference to an amazing italian dinner we made at home)

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title: me & my cell phones

as far as electronic devices, cell phones are turning into...

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history of the name kirk (reference to tracing back my family name)

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title: constructive criticism leads to free stuff

in the past month i’ve been pleasantly surprised by the response i’ve received from a few business for which i’ve given them some constructive criticism on my experience working with them.

it started first with california pizza kitchen i met my friend amber there for lunch a couple of months ago. we both ordered pizza with honey wheat crust. when our pizzas arrived neither of them had honey wheat crust on them. so the waitress offered to leave us with these non-honey wheat crust pizzas free of charge & would make us two honey wheat crusts as we ordered to go. i wasn’t feeling much like eating a pizza i didn’t want so the waitress then brought us two cups of complimentary soups & still boxed up the plain crust pizzas to go. my friend amber took them home. this isn’t the whole story though… about two weeks later i receive a card in the mail from cpk apologizing for their service & in the card was a gift card for a free pizza. so i sat down for two pizzas & ending up getting 5 pizzas (3 of them free) & 2 free bowls of soup just because a cook could read the waiter’s order. talk about a company going above & beyond for their customer.

similar story to the previous… kristin & i went to fago de chao which just opened here in austin for dinner. the food was great (assuming you like lots of meat), the dĂ©cor of the restaurant was pleasing, & the service was perfect. the only flaw was the valet service for which fago de chao out sources. after dinner we waited close to 30 minutes for our car. see the above picture of kristin & many other chilly austinites waiting outside for their car. i even asked the valet if i could just have the keys & i’d get the car myself. i was told that you need a special parking pass to exit the parking garage & that i just needed to wait. the next morning i sent a nice e-mail to fago de chao explaining that everything was great minus their valet service & that they’ll need to get that piece of their operation working if they want happy clients. first thing monday morning i received a phone call from a representative of fago de chao explaining that they appreciated the feedback, that they’ve already begun working with their valet service to correct things, & that they take full responsibility for what happened. to close, they sent me a free lunch for two.

the last story, which just happened today & is the reason why i thought to write this entry, is a call i got from a representative at ESI international (www.esi-intl.com)...

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title: public bathrooms, office refrigerators, & craigslist

what do public bathrooms, office refrigerators, & craigslist have in common? they are places that we can *all* use & for which no one takes responsibility for taking care of. ever wonder why cities have so few public bathrooms, parks, etc… it’s because folks abuse them & they cost the city to much to keep them clean.

i gave up on using the office refrigerator over a year ago. i purchased a small fridge for my office because i couldn’t stand the mess of the office refrigerator. just last week, i told the guys in the office that everything in the fridge was being tossed & that if it got like this again we’d get rid of the refrigerator altogether. upon rob cleaning out the fridge for everyone the photo connected to this post is of lunch meat that was over 7 months old, a container full of lasagna & a PB&J sandwich with more bacteria growing on them than what you’d find in a typical science laboratory.

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austin gazelles (reference to what a great group of runners make up this group)

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plumbing story (reference to the benefits of renting vs. owning when things such as a leaky kitchen sink at rosedale turned into a $1,600 problem)

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city top tens (reference of top10 "things" a city has to offer)

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walking/driving to starbucks in the domain (reference to how walking to the domain is much easier & almost as fast as driving to the domain from our offices)

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starbucks vs. dunken donuts (reference to no only the business differences, but the demographics of who goes where)

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running at townlake – early morning (reference to rocky)

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Sunday, March 23, 2008

4,000 US soldiers killed in iraq

as a result of the 4 most recent US soldier deaths just reported (march 23 2008), the number of american soldiers reportedly killed in iraq since the beginning of this war is now 4,000. let's put these numbers into perspective... this war was launched just over 5 years ago. (4,000 / 5 = 800) 800 soldiers a year on average have died in iraq. (800/365 days in a year = 2.19) 2.19 is the average number of american men & women killed each day in iraq.

tomorrow when you get up & enjoy our morning breakfast & coffee & then go to work & come home to complain about how hard your day was - think about the two US soldiers that gave their life that day so you could complain about that "hard" day at work.

*** this post was *not* published in support of or against this war, bush, or any candidate running in this year's presidential election. it was simply an observation of the US men & women paying the ultimate sacrifice for what most of us to often take for granted - our freedom. ***

Friday, March 14, 2008

obama in the mix of magazines

while avoiding the high prices of all the junk food in the airport & waiting for my connecting flight from dallas to austin on wednesday of this week i roamed through a magazine shop where i was delighted to see obama on the cover of this month's issue of 'rolling stone magazine' with a title that read "a new hope."

while i was delighted to see obama on the cover looking all "god" like i was ammused with the other magazines that surrounded this one. to the left there was 'playboy magazine' - quite fitting for a scandal down the road. to the bottom left was 'esquire magazine' with a picture of mr. republican governor arnold schwarzenegger with a caption that read "what obama, mccain, clinton, & the rest can learn from arnold the president of 12% of us." just below the rolling stone issue was a copy of 'the source magazine' which is referenced as being the bible of hip-hop culture & politics. to the bottom right was a copy of 'mac life' for the nerd/yuppie in all of us.

i'm suprised there isn't a product placement guideline for a magazine with a cover of a presidential candidate on it. anyhow, i got a good laugh from this one - i hope obama's campaign manager did too :)

Tuesday, March 4, 2008

democrat for a day

i noticed a number of blog posts today from friends who noted that they voted. would anyone actually blog or announce to the world that they didn’t vote? maybe there should be stickers for non-voters - "i'm a slack & did not vote." we are all like little kids walking around with our “i voted” stickers. actually i was sporting one too until it blew off my shirt during my run home from the voting spot i'm assigned to. why was i running home from the voting spot you wonder? well it was freezing this morning in austin – 36 degrees out when i woke up (note: it is supposed to reach 80+ degrees tomorrow – texas weather for ya). anyhow, i was supposed to swim this morning but i couldn’t bare another morning of getting in/out of the pool with weather that chills you to the bone. so instead of swimming i hopped on the trainer for a hour & a half at the house & then i journeyed outdoors for a 30 minute jog in the neighborhood. on my way home from my run i swung by my voting spot (elementary school 3 blocks from our house) to vote for obama. yep, i was the only dude standing in line in my workout clothes – luckily it was still a bit chilly outside so i hadn’t really broke much of a sweat.

it felt good to finally play part in our democratic election system. i’m 30 & admitting to all of you that this is the first time i’ve ever voted. not only was i voting for the first time, i declared myself as a democrat for the first time too. it’s exciting here in texas – it’s been a long time since our vote has mattered. this election is very important for a lot of folks & with the election being so close between clinton & obama our vote will most likely decide who the democratic nominee will be.

in texas we have both a primary & a caucus – sort of confusing & actually a bit frustrating because you have to vote first in the primary & then show up to vote again in the caucus. your vote at the caucus is supposedly the one that really matters for the presidential election. as i approached the desk filled with sweet ole 60-somes i was asked to declare myself as a democrat or republican. i laughed & said (for the first time ever) i suppose i’m a democrat. just like that i was branded. a sticker then spit out of this machine with my name on it & in BIG bold letters above my name read DEMOCRATIC PARTY. wow, just like that & i’m a democrat… all my life i thought i was a conservative republican & now as i vote for the first time in my life i’m a democrat.


i was then handed an invite to tonight’s caucus (see pic) & then directed to head over to the “machine” to place my ballot. i quickly selected obama for president (fingers crossed – no clinton please) & selected “no selection” for all the local positions. i can vote for obama, but to vote for more than one democrat in a day would have just put me over the top :) baby steps right?

Sunday, February 24, 2008

our right to vote

today fidel castro’s brother raul castro was annoucned as the new president of cuba following fidel’s recent resignation. while there were “elections” surrounding raul’s nomination they don’t come close to the liberties we have in the U.S. when it comes to electing our leaders.

many say that even if raul would not have won the election today, he would still be in charge behind the scenes & running the communist country. raul has controlled cuba’s communist army for the past 50-years & has been at his brother’s side (& in his shadow) since fidel took control in ’59. it was quite unlikely that he would lose...

while i firmly believe that the dollars that go into running a presidential campaign in the U.S. are absurd & should be more tightly controlled, the simple beauty that we all have the freedom to speak out & talk however we want to talk about the candidates is truly a marvel & highlights the types of freedom we are so lucky to enjoy. just this past week obama & clinton were debating here at the university of texas & while they weren’t the most “exciting” debates as so many were expected they did give the public (in austin) an opportunity to voice their questions & concerns.

we are lucky people & we must not forget that this freedom that we all enjoy today didn’t come for free & many before us gave the ultimate sacrifice.

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

obama is on a roll!

obama has taken 8 straight primaries now & for the first time he has taken a lead over clinton with the number of delegate votes. a lot of folks remarked about mitt romney's exit speech from the race & how he really let it all hang out there & show his true feelings. if you think romney's exit speech was charismatic i hope you got to listen to obama last night in virginia.

images of our early founders, lincoln, & dr. king flashed through my head. he's steadfast on addressing change & hope. as a man, he exemplifies what we refer to as the american dream & the opportunities this land & our government provide for us all. remember he was born to two very young college students. his biological father split when he was two years old. there was never a lot of money - they weren't rich. he worked very hard in school from the beginning - he graduated from columbia & harvard. my point is, the guy worked very hard to get where he is - he earned it!

in last night's speech in virginia he began to say "when i am president" versus "if i am president." it's just a matter of time folks! he won me over again last night when he addressed pumping more cash into education reform (grants to college students). he said he would do it, but these kids would have to work for it - volunteer at VA hospitals, volunteer for community service, join the peace corps, etc. this is what i'm all about. our government should provide assuming we give back too! this isn't what i'm used to hearing from the democrats.


obama & clint are coming to austin next thursday – i can’t wait to see him in person.

Friday, February 1, 2008

republican or democrat

walt, a buddy of mine, sent me a link to www.votechooser.com. i've been leaning towards obama since the beginning so i wasn't surprised to see obama at the top of my list. i was however surprised to see clinton in the 2nd position & edwards (prior to him dropping out) in the 3rd slot. my one, two, & three were all democrats!

i started to wonder, am i a democrat too? maybe i am. i know i grew up in a conservative household. i was in the military. i'm a hard worker & it grates my every nerve when i'm around someone that is not. i liked reagan. i'm not a fan of giving stuff to people that don't work for it. i even used to watch
rush limbaugh's TV broadcast with my dad when i lived at home & i own a couple of bill o'reilly & michael savage books!

so what happened?

i still think people should work hard & that we must maintain a strong military. that doesn't mean that i think that our approach to the war we are in was right. i think the topic of abortion & gay marriage are just distractions & that isn't what determines whether you are a republican or a democrat. i think our health care is better than any other country's, however, i think the costs are insane & too many people can't afford health care. i think global warming is a real thing & that we need to address many other environmental issues. i think we should allot more money to education because we as a nation are *not* getting smarter.

so is this how a democrat thinks?

i should have mentioned that giuliani was my least favorite according to
www.votechooser.com. when i first learned of him running i thought for sure he would win my vote. i've always liked the guy, i've read quite a bit about his tenure as mayor in NY, & i've seen him speak once in dallas & let me just tell you he's nothing like our current president - thank goodness!

in the end i think this year's ticket will look like obama/edwards & mccain/giuliani. if that's the case, i'll be voting for the smoker.

Sunday, January 6, 2008

obama smokes

barack obama is a true intellectual in my opinion. obama graduated from columbia & harvard law school. while at harvard he was president of the harvard law review. while i know many people with power have their degrees paid for, i believe without a doubt that obama earned his. i’ve listened to him during the debates & on NPR & have also read excerpts from his book & there is no hiding his ability to think.

i suppose that’s why it’s so hard from me to understand why the man smokes. i understand addiction; however, anyone with half a brain knows how bad smoking is for you. while this one bad habit won’t prevent me from voting for him, it would bother me if our next president was a smoker when everyone understands the health risks associated with smoking.

Sunday, November 18, 2007

productive arguing

leaders from 22 governments gathered this past week in santiago, chile to increase awareness & concern for social issues and poverty in latin america, spain, and portugal while at the same time much of the region is experiencing economic growth. the meetings should have been productive, but they turned south when king juan carlos I of spain turned to venezuelan president hugo chavez and asked, "why don't you shut up?" king juan carlos' comment has been getting a lot of attention (good & bad) this week. when reading more about the incident, i was reminded of an article that i read (& made it a point to save) from the BBC some time ago on productive arguing that i'm going to share with you.

i couldn't agree more with each of these suggestions provided in this article. disagreements are going to arise from time-to-time; it's what you make of those disagreements that matter.

productive arguing

differences of opinion are normal and healthy in adult relationships and learning to compromise is a skill required in many areas of life. you might want to print out this page and pin it to your notice board to remind you both whenever a disagreement arises.

1. stick to the issue in hand - don't bring up previous misdemeanors or other things you've been meaning to say.

2. don't argue over trivia - for example, arguing whether it was monday or tuesday that you forgot the milk. the issue is you forgot, not which day it was.

3. start sentences with "i" - for example, "i felt annoyed when you..." rather than "you annoyed me when..." and "i would like to go out more often," not "we should go out more often."

4. don't use absolutes - never say "never", "always", "should" or "shouldn't". they're irritating and often inaccurate. for example, "you never wash up" will almost certainly get a response of "what about when...?"

5. let your opinions stand on their own merits - don't be tempted to bring in other people's opinions.

6. try to stay sitting down, relax your muscles and don't forget to breathe - it's much easier to stay calm if you're not pacing around the room.

7. don't start throwing abuse around - calling your partner lazy, fat or paranoid isn't going to convince them to see your point of view.

8. be aware of your feelings and tell your partner these as well - saying "i'm scared you don't love me anymore" is likely to get a better response than "you don't act like you love me."

9. try not to block the conversation - don't interrupt, launch into a monologue or expect them to be a mind-reader.

10. agree to a code word for time out - if one or both of you feels you're getting overheated it's best to take some time away from each other to calm down before going back to the disagreement.

remember, who wins the argument is irrelevant if your relationship loses something. always try to confront the issue - not each other.